2021, and the Death of the ‘Chase’

‘And the thing is’ beamed Holly ‘he’s actually just really nice’. Her face was glowing as she recounted the tale of her socially-distanced first date at the weekend.  This was our highly anticipated Zoom lunch catch-up, and gossip was in full flow. ‘He just really surprised me’ Holly explained, ‘he’s not my usual type.’

Like vultures we were hungry for more- It’s almost a year into lockdown… we deserved more details than this. We pestered Holly to go on.

What did he do? What’s her ‘type’ and how was he different?

‘Well, he funny.. and he’s not exactly in greeeat shape, and he just says the right thing’.

We pointed out that Holly’s type is usually nothing short of horrid. Attractive, and horrid.

It’s about time she found a nice guy after the rotten apples that she’s suffered over the past couple of years.

‘But, I guess I thought I loved the chase’ she continued, ‘you know, a bit of a bad boy’ *Cue  ridicule from all Zoomers* but honestly, I woke up to a text the next morning saying ‘I really like you’, and it made my whole weekend.

And this, ladies, is where I will share with you my secret. A discovery made since March 2020 last year, and one which changes E-V-E-R-Y-THING. For decades, women have loved a bad boy.  When Greece Lightening lit up television sets across the county, it just made total sense that of course Sandy would fall for Danny. Danny is his leather jacket. Danny in his leather jacket chatting s***, and treating women like junk.  But the thing is, like it or lump it (and many of us are ashamed to admit it), there’s some allure in being bad.  A certain thrill-factor in making yourself feel ‘wanted’ by someone who just doesn’t show you enough interest. I’m certainly guilty of participating in the ritual dating ‘chase’. But I vow to chase no longer. Because here’s the secret..I’m pretty sure the chase is already over… perhaps for good.

Let’s take a closer look at how this glorious logic dawned one me.

Well, firstly, It’s been a shocker of a year. Everyone’s social calendars have been empty, even the bad boys. The handsome unattainable demi-god that you were texting had an empty day. Literally empty..he had no-where to go, no-one to see, and was confined by Bojo to stay indoors.  That’s when loads of us had the realisation that.. he’s not busy, he’s just a pr**k. If he didn’t text you back, then he really wasn’t interested. And I know that at this point, a lot of you will have had the realisation that it wasn’t time to chase, it was time to move TF on. These sorts of men literally helped you to separate the weak from the chaff. There are those that are interested, and see you worth, and there are those who just want you to tell them how good looking they are, and to mess with your head. But not this year, sunshine. Not in 2021. We’ve had drama enough on our hands with the global pandemic and a killer virus on the rampage thanks.

This isn’t 1978.

You’re not Sandy.

And he’s not sodding Danny.

(Louder for the people in the back)

So why did we engage in this game playing in the first place? It comes down to that juicy risk/reward potential.  The same sort of thing gamblers seek. The rush of the win, after so many defeats.  Put it this way-  imagine if every time you put a coin into an arcade machine you won. Sure, you’d get rich (woo!) but the thrill just wouldn’t be there anymore (ahhh).  However if you loose a few times,  then the sound of those jangling coins falling down when you win is just that much sweeter. Am I right?

Then there’s our hormones. The dopamine and adrenaline when you’re falling for someone.  The feeling of not quite knowing what’s in store, but knowing that you like them. Once you’re in a secure relationship there are many other perks of course, but the thrill of chasing the unknown isn’t there anymore. The chase appeals to our animalistic instincts which are hard to suppress.

And another reason that we’ve been known to ‘chase’ is because persuing someone who seems unattainable, and winning them, can help us feel smarter, more beautiful, more sexy, and more desirable ourselves.  If we can get them, we feel invincible.  But listen up, sis, if this sounds like you, then just back yourself up a minute. Take a moment to think about your own worth. You’re all of the things that you seek to prove, and if anything, you’re the one that should be setting standards for what you want, and being chased.

I don’t mean to be a miserable Scruge, coming on up in here and ruining the fun. Killing the Greece Lightening dream. I’m just a normal woman, using this space to share my thoughts, to remind you that we are all part of this women’s revolution. I took 2020-2021 to do some soul searching and I’m feeling stronger for it. Forget Sandy with her miniscule waist, in her skinny leather pants.  Be you, in your oneside with no make-up and your hair slung high in a messy bun.  You’re more than enough. And no godamn bad-boy increases your worth sis.

Secret’s out- the chase is truly over.

-Are you/were you a chaser? Do you know the reasons why you enjoyed/tolerated it?

Maybe you still do.  Or maybe 2020-2021 has changed you too? Drop your comments below. We want to know.